The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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