Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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