He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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