Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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