You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize