Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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