Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
