Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
