well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
