Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
