we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
