new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
