i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
