i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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