Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
