just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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