his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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