His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
