have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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