I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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