When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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