I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
