I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
