you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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