i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
