If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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