then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
