I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
