I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just invented taco cereal.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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