If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
