Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize