Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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