I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
