Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize