The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
