But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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