I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
