and you said cock pushups were impossible
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
