I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
