areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
