God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My penis needs a shock collar
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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