just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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