the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
