naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
send nudes
from the living room?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
