Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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