somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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