Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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