I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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