New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
