so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
