but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize