so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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