Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
