He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
