Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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