He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize