Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
