I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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