You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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