Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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