Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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