but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
