And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
