Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
