Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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