I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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