my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
