This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
