Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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