Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
whose parrot is this?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
