I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
