I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its not stalking. its research.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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