WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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