2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
