I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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