If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize