nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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