i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
