She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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