I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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