As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
