there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
