I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
