My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
