operation harelip BJ is a go
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
