why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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