mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
