we made out on top of his cat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
