I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
