If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
